So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
