dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
