Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
