I will die if light touches me.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
