So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
