Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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