the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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