I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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