dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
