Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
dude. I can hear the air.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
