I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you would pick up someone in the library
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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