He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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