I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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