i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
