Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
