new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
