Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
