Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
