are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
