Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
