You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
