a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
