How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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