Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
