cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
His nipple licking is glorious
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