Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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