Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
