I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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