i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
