I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
