I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
