God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
