I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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