My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
