i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
