You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
