Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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