shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
