I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
