I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
