Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
