I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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