Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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