I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
