i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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