im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
