soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Randomize
