people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
