woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
