but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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