We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
