i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
