He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
