I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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