And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
