I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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