I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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