1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
