he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
