shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
