Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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