I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
