Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
