Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
