when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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