Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
