Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
