I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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