Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
