what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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