just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
