running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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