You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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