I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
