Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
