Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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