Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
